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START
BY ASKING YOUR QUESTION
There's a saying - "Be careful what you ask, because you
are likely to get it!" The question you ask is important.
You can't get a good answer without having a good question.
How to ask a good one? Get very specific about what concerns
you. Focus on a specific situation -- a concrete event -- that
represents the issue. Often, we are upset by a particular event.
Like this:
Let's say you had a heated disagreement with your partner. There
was no resolution. You are upset. You're alone, stewing over
what happened. You choose to do something different, and consult
the SOULMATE
ORACLE.
Now you need to come up with a good question.
Start by remembering the scene of that disagreement. Imagine
you're a fly on the wall. You are far from the people in that
scene. As you view the scene -- ask yourself, "What is
the most useful question I can ask right now?" Wait for
a question that feels positive. Consider what may be important
for you to know, learn, or recognize at this time.
Example Question: "What can I learn from this that
I'm not seeing?"
The cards help you find positive solutions. But, the cards don't
answer "yes-no" questions like, "Should I stay
in this relationship?" Instead, the cards help you see
things with perspective -- and make better choices.
Other High-Quality Questions:
• "What is this situation
trying to teach me?"
• "What is my part in this
challenge we're experiencing?"
• "What can I do to resolve
what upsets me here?"
• "What factors are involved
in this situation?"
• "What do I need to pay attention
to in talking with my partner?"
• "What could help me to handle
this situation better?"
• "What could help us to share
more joy and passion?"
• "What should we consider
before making up our minds?"
• "How might I best respond
to my partners feelings?"
Poor Questions that focus on the other person:
• "Why is she always complaining?"
• "What is his problem?"
• "What is she really feeling?"
• "How can I get him to change?"
NEXT - PICK 3 CARDS FOR AN ANSWER
So here, you have had a disagreement with your partner. Your
question is: "What can I learn from this that I am not
seeing?" Next, you pick 3 cards and turn them over. Let's
say these are the cards below.
Now click on each of these cards, to make it full-size and see
its text:
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FINALLY, CONSIDER THE THREE CARDS AS A GROUP
PERSPECTIVE
suggests you may need to gain some perspective. See more clearly
the part each person plays in the situation. As the eagle in
the picture on this card, rise above your feelings for a moment.
Look down at you and your partner. Remember to breathe and move.
Shake off some feelings. Flying above the situation, see what's
really behind each person's actions and words. See what each
person really needs as a human being. From this place above,
imagine a positive way the two people down on the mountains
could communicate and respect each other's needs.
DIFFERENCES
suggests you and your partner may have drifted into a battle
over your differences. Without being aware of how you got there.
So be aware of your impulses to react automatically. This may
be a significant opportunity for your personal growth. Sometimes
where we are different, we show each other where we need to
grow. The flowers on the card have different colors, but does
that make one of them "right?" View the differences
between you and your partner in another light. You can grow
from working with differences instead of fighting or blaming
each other.
TIMING
invites you to look at how the factor of timing may be involved.
Quite often partners forget that people are all different in
their timing. For instance, maybe one of you was trying to "solve"
things by reasoning with the other. Yet the other was still
too emotionally upset to be ready for logical thinking. The
attempt to "fix" things prematurely -- ill timing
-- only increases the upset. Ultimately both of you get upset.
The dolphins on the card show the advantages of good timing.
Some feelings may need to be heard, as feelings and nothing
more. Then you can begin to solve things.
Taken together, these 3 cards may be asking you to view your
situation in a different light. See where you can move forward
in your personal growth. Rather than getting stuck in the same
old arguments. This requires you to see how you communicate
your feelings. See what each of you really needs. Take turns
just listening to each others feelings. Don't interrupt or try
to fix anything. When you finish listening to the feelings,
you can finally start to figure out the best coarse of action.
P.S. Now that you've read this example, you can go ahead
and get answers for yourself, right here. What problem or issue
do you have? What specific situation comes to mind? What's the
most beneficial question you can ask?
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How do soulmates keep
love and passion alive?
Take our quiz and find out. |
(c) John & Bonney Grey, 2000. All rights reserved. Permission
required to reproduce. |
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